Dear Katie & Kelly: A friend of mine is going through a hard time financially and asked to borrow some money. It’s a lot of money to my friend but not that much to me. I’m worried she might not be able to pay it back and what impact that might have on our friendship. Signed: Worried in Wyoming
Dear Worried: Lending money when you’re not an actual bank is tough. Frankly, lending money when you ARE a bank is tough. Even if you could run her credit report and look at her past five years of income, there is still no guarantee that she’ll pay you back. If you’re okay with this possibility then it shouldn’t be too much of a burden on your friendship. Give it and forget about it. If you’re not okay with it, then you have your answer.
There are other pitfalls in lending money besides not being paid back. I always advise Classics not to lend money to a friend (or family member) because it might negatively impact your relationship even if they pay it back. Here’s why, Classics, a handful of Funs and probably a couple of Organic Structures can’t help judging how other people spend their money if it seems unwise or isn’t the way they would do it. Yes, this is even when they’re not lending it to those people! If you disagree with this stereotype that’s because it’s a stereotype, not 100%. Also, more introverted types probably don’t share these judgements. Our point is that if you can lend the money to your friend not only as a gift but as a gift without judgement, go for it. If you can’t? Well then, there’s your answer again.
If it’s a go, then tell your friend, “It’s a gift. You pay me back or you don’t. No questions asked. No expectations and no judgement.” If it’s a no go, then tell your friend, “I REALLY want to lend you the money but I don’t want it to get in the way of our friendship and I fear somehow it would. Our friendship means too much for me to risk anything happening to us.”
The photo in this article is from a great US News & World Report article on how to go about lending money to friends & family (or not!) Good luck! Katie & Kelly