Dear Katie & Kelly: One of my best friend is engaged to be married to an older guy who has been married before. He has asked her to sign a prenup. She asked me if I thought this was a reasonable request and since I always speak my mind, I told her I think it seems questionable to start out a marriage with a legal document preparing for the potential demise of their marriage, especially given his track record. But, she’s decided to sign it anyway and is now rationalizing it to herself. I’ve bitten my tongue so far but it’s getting tough listening to her rationalize it. I’m a Fun Structure.
Signed: Skeptical in Skokie
Dear Skeptical: What’s that phrase, once bitten, twice shy? Divorce is expensive $$$. Biting your tongue is the prudent course even if difficult since your friend seems to have niggling doubts about it all or she wouldn’t still be rationalizing it. We don’t know what the groom’s personality type is but we’re betting he’s a Classic Structure, Fun Structure or Smart — the most practical types — so his request is likely not personal just practical given his past experience. Once you’ve lost half your assets, which he might’ve with his first marriage, it’s not logical to take the same risk again.
From a subjective point of view, you could argue that who cares about signing a prenup if you’re marrying for love and not the potential to take half a person’s assets down the road, i.e., once you remove logic then there are lots of different ways to judge/view a prenup. Our advice is not to pass judgement on your friend but to make sure she’s smart about it and gets her own lawyer to review the prenup and layout in layman’s turns what it’ll mean to her. When it comes to love we want to be all heart but sprinkling a little logic into marriage prep doesn’t erase true love.
All our best: K & K