There Are No New Uses for an Old Tampon

We were going to feature some awesome Real Simple or Martha Stewart “new uses for old things” this week but then I implemented one of Martha’s ideas — which I thought was brilliant until my husband grabbed an umbrella as he left for work before rushing back in to demand what in the heck was on his umbrella. It was clearly a floral scarf tied just above the base of the handle but his level of disgust registered as if I’d attached a used tampon to it. “Could you please remove this thing.” So I took this as a sign to be careful with “new uses for old things” because unless you think them through and make sure they’re right for everyone in your household, they’re a bad idea.

Martha’s idea was to attach scarves or ribbons to generic umbrellas so that you can find them easily when you put them in umbrella stands around town. It’s an idea made for a Classic (SJ) because they’re the most likely to have random old scarves lying about. I thought, “Brilliant! I’ll never again have to argue about whether someone just grabbed my umbrella or theirs. Nor will someone be able to accidentally take my umbrella.” Naturally, as a Classic, I have tons of old scarves lying about. I only put the scarves on two umbrellas, the ones I didn’t see my husband using all of the time. But in typical Classic fashion, I didn’t consult my husband on this organizational idea as I just wanted to check it off my To Do list. Clearly I’d never noticed that he uses multiple umbrellas and even though he is a Classic himself, he does not want scarves attached to them.

Katie, an Organic Freedom (NFP) thought this was an ingenious way to keep my beloved from using my umbrella, because her beloved is a Smart Freedom (NTP) who never returns with the same umbrella he left with, and so assumed that my Classic husband would do the same! Craziness. If I was Katie and had a special umbrella I didn’t want to share, then the scarf idea would be ingenious. Sadly Katie doesn’t think the scarf would deter her husband from taking her umbrella because he has no male shame when he wants to stay dry and is in a hurry. He has actually used the pink Disney princess umbrella that even his daughters won’t use anymore because they’re too old for it.

So the umbrella idea is brilliant IF you are of the female persuasion, have a designated umbrella that’s yours alone and are not married to a man who shamelessly walks in the rain with a Disney princess umbrella. I’m guessing Funs (SP) and Organic Freedoms (NFP) might not have extra scarves hanging around in which case use grosgrain or satin ribbon. Katie says that Organic Freedoms and Smart Freedoms might actually have the scarves, but they wouldn’t want to attach them to an umbrella because no matter what they do, they’re always leaving them around town and would therefore lose that scarf. A ribbon then would be best for them if they would remember to grab the umbrella once it’s stopped raining.

Martha’s second idea is to punch holes in your rain boots to tie bows on the back. This intrigued me as a Classic (SJ) who is interested in looking fashionable and adding that je ne sais quoi to my outfits. But since the boots are bright yellow in the photo, I already know we’re not likely dealing with a Classic (SJ) or an Organic Structure (NFJ) or a Smart Structure (NTJ) since our rain boots are probably more conservative. These boots are made for Funs (SP) as they LOVE color. It’s practically how we pick out Funs because they so often never test as themselves. Anyway, before I punch holes in my black Hunter rainboots, I asked myself if I’d be really bummed when trudging through snow in the winter and the ribbon got wet with snow and then started dripping down my back leg. Plus, would anyone notice the black bow on my black boots?? Not likely and it never dawned on me to use another color until I saw the image to the right. It’s such a minute fashion detail that this one seems primed for detail oriented Funs and perhaps a few Classic Freedoms (SFJ) without a ton of responsibilities in their free time might do. Plus, Katie reckons that the more adventurous Funs and Organics (NF) probably already have fun colored or decorated rain boots! Katie’s are candy striped and her husband Smart Freedom (NTP) bought his girls bright yellow rainboots.

The last idea is (was) made for (by) Classic Structures (STJ) and Fun Structures (STP). Branding is a detail and one that Classics (SJ) and Funs (SP) love doing to their stuff or at least thinking about doing to their stuff. As you can see, this idea is to take free charity mailing return address labels and use them to put on your books as if they’re coveted library books — I say “free” because Classics, Funs and maybe a few Organics likely use them and don’t bother donating. Only most of our books are not coveted. I mean how many of us truly don’t want to lose a book these days? It would help my decluttering if I lent a book and never got it back. Plus, if we’re talking first editions then you really need to invest in an actual proper book brander. I’d assume Organics (NF) and Smarts (NT) wouldn’t bother with this minute detail unless someone made them, but I’m forgetting for a moment about Smart Structures (NTJs) who out of all the types tend to have the biggest libraries and in pride and achievement already have a proper book brander. I’d also assume Classic Freedoms (SFJ) and Fun Freedoms (SFP) have a more attractive stamp for their return address and can use that if they actually have any books of value.